The fear of losing you... -L

I don’t fear much in life. I don’t fear getting hurt. I don’t fear not being able to do something. I don’t fear the dark. I don’t fear much. I don’t fear losing my friends. I don’t fear people in a sense. I don’t fear dying. Again, I don’t fear much. However, there is one thing I fear. More than anything in my life. The fear that controls me.

The fear of losing you...

This fear came accompanied with bad thoughts. Plans falling through the cracks a couple times, less time seeing each other. Connection begins to feel flat. Others start peaking your interest, appearing better than me. I try my best to prove my worth but as time goes on my work shows nothing my greatest fear has come true.

The fear of losing you...

That being one of the many scenarios I fear they all follow that similar trend. So many different ways it could happen but the worst being when they are my fault. When I don’t appreciate enough. When I make a mistake. When I get mad. When I do anything. When something I do sets off this chain, that is when they frighten me the most. All these mistakes I could make all scare me. Scare me with the concept I fear most.

The fear of losing you…

Maybe not to my mistakes but maybe just to life. A new city, move or a small school change causes a rippling effect. Past lives of yours are seen clearly. Almost like a new story every time. I fear becoming a book on the shelf and not the book you’re currently writing. Once I am placed in the book on the shelf, I become another piece of the past. Something moved on from and once moved on from I fall into the fear.

The fear of losing you…

A bright sunshine turns into cloudy skies. A “good morning” turns into a blank screen. Waiting for that “good night” leaves me sleepless as it never comes. The walk from one to another feels long, depressing, and distraught. I sit alone staring at my phone, waiting for the tone. I hear the tone, pick up the phone, and read. The name is not yours. I sit back down and wait. I wait for a while until I realize again, my fear has come true.

The fear of losing you…

I try to better myself everyday and figure out what you want of me. I compare myself to others and those I view as higher or better than me. I try to be like them fearing you might get bored of me. I won’t be enough. And when you finally realize you want more, you leave to find it. Leaving me behind and showing me my greatest fear.

The fear of losing you...

This fear is not caused by you, however, that I can promise to you. The fear comes from irrationality. You always stand right by my side and I have put so much in you. So much that my greatest fear appears again.

The fear of losing you…

This fear comes from the fact I have become so adjusted to you in my life. Not taking you for granted but just the fact that you are always there. I appreciate it more than I could ever say. Letting you in was tough to do but now I have all my trust in you. I want this forever and ever and ever but that's why this fear lies deep inside me.

The fear of losing you...

I hope and hope and will try my hardest to make sure this will not happen. Everything in my power will work towards keeping you. I don’t want to lose my sunshine. I don’t want to lose my happiness. I don’t want to lose my little smiles and laughs. But most importantly, I don’t want to lose you. So until the day I stop loving you, which is far from sight, I will always have this nightmare fear.

The fear of losing you...