Letters to anyone and everyone #1... -L

A letter to the one who cares the most...

Thank you.

That’s all I have to say to start off. You hate when I say it, you tell me I don’t have to say it or you won’t accept it but I always say it anyway.

You always say you wish you could do more for me but you’ve done more than you could ever imagine and more than I could ever explain to you. I know it might not always seem like it but you do help, I promise.

There are moments where I have pushed you away and I never meant for it to hurt you. That isn’t what I wanted. I know you want to help and if I knew it wasn’t something that could be helped I didn’t want you worrying about me.

Being with you always makes me happy no matter what else is going on. I know sometimes I might not be able to show that but I promise to you it does. You’ve always been like a shelter to me during the cold, winter nights, making me feel better and telling me that everything will be okay.

The way you still care about me after every breakdown, every late night, and just everything, that astonishes me. I have been going through so much and I never wanted to drag you into it but you wanted to be there for me. You pushed your way in, in a good way. And even as everything else gets worse around me, you haven’t changed. You still care about me the same way as you did before.

I’ve made so many mistakes through everything, so many I am afraid at some points to tell others about what is happening. I feel like a little kid who can’t swim and is stuck in the water. But I turned to you and you’ve acted as a hero to me. You’ve always been there and I have never had a thought in my mind that if I needed you, you wouldn’t be there.

There are some points where I feel like I don’t know myself as cliché as that sounds. But somehow you can still find me. You allow me to never lose myself or to change because of everything that has happened. You stand by me no matter what I go through. You keep me, me.

I feel like I don’t have control over a lot of things and that gets to me. But the one thing I don’t have to control but never changes is you and I. The connection between us and the way you care means so much.

I will never understand what keeps you here with me after how I have acted with all these things happening around me. The times I feel like I’m going crazy and get mad at you when all you are trying to do is help. I don’t mean it when I do get mad. Sometimes we accidentally hurt those closest to us when we are scared. Just know that at the end of the day I care about you too. I really do. I appreciate everything you have done for me and I know you will be there for me in the future also. I know you’ll always be there. It’s one of the things that makes you so special. So I say it again even if you don’t want to hear it,

Thank you.